Everything but the kitchen sink!

I am pretty sure I am not the only parent who struggles to leave the house without several totally random objects being thrust into the nappy bag. Or a whole separate bag, or the car in general!

The back of my car now looks like a terrible jumble sale! Leaving the house takes far longer than it needs to, and try suggesting we don’t need three bags, four hats, twenty hair bobbles and a random leaflet. The only thing that ensues is tears, rolling around the floor and a refusal to leave the house.

When winter finished, and the weather warmed up, we still had to take a woolly hat, scarf and gloves (all worn) prior to leaving the house. Summer brought about a refusal to wear a cardigan or coat, even on the colder days. Yet, we must stuff the bag for nursery full of these items! I am slightly concerned about a social services referral occurring due to her not being dressed appropriately for the weather (I’m pretty sure it wont actually happen!)

If we go on holiday I must pack quickly, and efficiently, without her being aware it is happening. If she gets wind that there is packing to be done then we will take every blanket she owns, the whole contents of her teddy collection and much more. She will have zipped this all into the bag before I have even had a chance to pack any clothes for myself of Daddy!

It came to a head a couple of days in a row the other week. Day one was a flat-out refusal to go to nursery, which hadn’t happened in a while. I think she’d been tired and I woke her up (this never bodes well for getting anywhere). As such she cried that she just wanted ‘breakfast at home’ and ‘not go to nursery’. Unfortunately this was not an option. As I carried her under my arm, crying (definitely her tears, almost my tears) and wriggling, somehow she managed to pick up her plastic toy trolley. Which she carried to the car. I then had to negotiate strapping her in, as she screamed and wielded the plastic trolley. I got hit around the head with it a number of times. As we drove, she screamed and I sang to the Moana soundtrack loudly in an attempt to drown out  entertain her. Eventually the crying ceased and a peace deal was struck. Until I tried to leave the trolley in the car. At this point the crying restarted. Cut to her strutting into nursery with me in tow carrying a plastic trolley.

The next day I dutifully carried an empty box of wipes with one of my perfumes inside in to the nursery. I managed to smuggle out the perfume, whilst the box remained below her peg, for Grandpa to carry out when he collected her that afternoon!

Reassure me that I am not the only parent who has become a professional carrier of ‘stuff’!

Monday morning thoughts

Disclaimer – I am not in the best mood I could be whilst writing this. My little cherub woke at 4 am. I laid in bed whilst she manhandled me for two hours, before I begged the other half to save me for just an hour so I could deal with the day ahead. As such I am sleep deprived and, worse still, I have a sleep deprived toddler.

I answered the door to the food shopping delivery. I must have left the kitchen for up to five minutes maximum, when I return to this sight….

……A whole box of blueberries strewn over the floor. Her thoughts “Oh no”. My thoughts out loud “Oh no”. My thoughts in my head “Why are you doing this to me? I left the room for five minutes”.

So I ask her if she could help pick them up whilst I unpack the shopping. Her response is to walk through them, squishing them into the floor, and getting very upset as they have dirtied her feet. I mean, seriously, she is an expert at making a mess but somehow doesn’t like to be dirty. That’s going to cause her some serious heartache over the years I should imagine.

After two attempts at suggesting she helps clear up I give in and accept that I am in fact her minion, and it will be me on my hands and knees clearing blueberries from the floor.

This is where the twist occurs. I start collecting them back into the punnet, and she loses it. Screaming at me loses it. Why? Because she actually did want to help? Because she has realised it’s her mess and mummy’s clearing it up? Nope. It’s because I didn’t put the little black mat back in the bottom of the punnet first. And that, according to a toddler, is a disaster. A reason to have a meltdown.

Clearly we are on course to have the best day ever!